Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize