Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
