if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
