oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
