Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
