So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
