Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
