I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
