So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
