CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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