I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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