hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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