you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
