bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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