in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
