Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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