oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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