so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
