Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
