Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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