You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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