I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
