I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
