I want to have your abortion
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
