It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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