As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
