were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
