there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
