I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
