I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
