thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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