i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
