Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
