her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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