My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
