i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
