I heard we made out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
