yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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