2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
