haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
