1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
