What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
