I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
