Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
