her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
