So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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