hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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