I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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