im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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