capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
