Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dick very happy bro
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
