if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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