Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
