So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
