Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
