Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
