I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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