The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
