I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
