Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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