so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
