my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just tell him i said nine months
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
