And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
