He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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