so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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