Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
