I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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