i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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