I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
